Sky is the Limit

Often times our whole identity is wrapped up in what we’ve learned growing up hoping it will work for us when dealing with people, allowing us to survive, thrive and fit in. While some people have had to learn to thrive in the midst of change and learned to be adaptable by being open to new ideas and embracing change, many others have had to fight for survival. Behavior is learned and sometimes it takes work to unlearn and dismantle these old beliefs. Change is difficult for a lot of people. When you are able to see beyond the ego and recognize the abundance that is available, people’s minds, and ideas come together and can create amazing changes that improve the current scenarios for many. When you work and surround yourself with people who have this abundant and generous attitude, you are uplifted, the team soars, and amazing energy and creativity are unleashed. This is much harder to do, to sustain, and to elevate within others when you encounter individuals driven by the thought of inadequacy and competition.

If your goal is to truly bring about a positive change how it is accomplished becomes less important and seeing it accomplished becomes more important. When you’re getting compensated for your contributions, gratitude would serve you spirit of peace. Knowing that you are accomplishing your purpose and living your passion will be reward and in time, it will be recognized.

We all have different lenses, different gifts, different wiring, and different experiences. Difference is not something to be judged, it is a gift of diversity that brings the pieces of the puzzle of life together and creates a society and solution, together for the benefit of us all. Don’t doubt yourself when others cannot see the vision you see. Keep true, keep your intentions, and you will attract the right support, the right people, and the right opportunities. Lower the ego and aim high

Twanna A. Hines: How I Steer Clear of Crazy, Rage-Filled Lovers

Happy Thanksgiving: Soul Food Books

BLACK GIRL LOST...in a book

Well, I don’t get to enjoy the usual Thanksgiving fare here in China, but at least I can talk about a few books that deal with good food from the African American community. These are a few of the titles that were referenced in my current read, Cooking in Other Women’s Kitchens. These aren’t cookbooks, but rather, books on why African Americans eat the food we eat and the cultural impacts of such cuisines. So, hold on to that turkey leg and read a few summaries:

Acclaimed cookbook author Jessica B. Harris has spent much of her life researching the food and foodways of the African Diaspora. High on the Hog is the culmination of years of her work, and the result is a most engaging history of African American cuisine. Harris takes the reader on a harrowing journey from Africa across the Atlantic to America, tracking the trials…

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Work Place Bullies

Work place Bullies

I have worked at different companies and the one thing I know for a fact is that the people you work with all have their own particular personality. They have their peculiar ways of doing things, strengths and weakness. Good habits such as carrying a snack for their co-worker, or bad habits such as not being a team player. Therefore it’s very important to try and understand your boss, your co-worker or the person that you supervise. You should always try to work with them to overcome any obstacles and ensure that your work environment remains productive, peaceful and friendly. The best places to work are those where you feel comfortable. A place where working is something you enjoy, even a place where you would still work even if you could find something better.

The question is what do you do when you find such a place and there is someone there who is a bully? You know that boss or co-worker with the hair-trigger temper? The person who feels it is ok to tell an embarrassing joke at your expense; yet they take offense to the slightest joke. Being armed with a little awareness and some experience I have now learned a little about how to deal with work place bullies.

Identifying work place bullies

The first thing to do is to identify that the person you are dealing with is in fact a bully.They are not just having a bad day or overacting to a particular event. No, this person is just a total…. you get the picture. Their behavior is consistently intolerable. They are the type of person who as they walk into the room your blood pressure goes up. You try to do your best but they always criticize your best efforts and take the praise for themselves.  They are always trying to undermine you or spread some gossip aimed at elevating themselves and degrading others. They explode with little or no provocation. When it is all over there is no apology. They don’t learn from their mistakes so that the episode is never repeated. They rule the workplace through manipulation and intimidation whether financial and or emotional.

Effect on the Work place

If your company has a high staff turnover, persons reporting sick often, persons being forced to use formal channels of communication to resolve the slightest problems. Chances are you have a workplace bully in your midst. What is interesting is that I read somewhere that 40 % of work place bullies are females who use emotional abuse and manipulation as their main tactic against their victims 70% of whom are female.

Dealing with work place bullies

Work place bullies are just like school yard bullies. Once identified a plan of action must be formulated. There is no calling of their parents. The best way to deal with a work place bully is to study their patterns of behavior. Then document everything, day, date, time, place of occurrence, and nature of the offence. Never allow the bully to isolate you from your co-workers.  Confront the bully and let her know that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. Always make certain that you are armed with the documented facts and witnesses to back up your allegation.

 The ugly truth

Remember that work place bullies are often the types of persons who are jealous, passive/aggressive or intimidated by others achievements. They often feel the need to undermine others and take credit for their work. Bullies feel a sense of inadequacy. Their behavior is used to hide the fact that they are incompetent and unable to manage the demands of the job.

It is a sad fact but being a bully is the only way bosses who cannot lead, co-workers who cannot match up to their peers and the demands of the jobs survive. Being a bully is the only way they can stay in control and advance their personal agenda.

It is up to you to reveal the truth; by doing this you will set yourself and you co-workers free. So start today by getting rid of that bully so that you can have a harmonious, productive, rewarding and friendly work environment that you deserve.

Angelina’s Therapy

Stay true to you!

 

Stay true to you….

 

Why do we have so much difficulty loving ourselves without question? And why do we feel we need the approval of others to validate our worthiness?

 These are just a few strong questions of our non-acceptance of ourselves. We were not born with a negative self-image of ourselves, in fact, we were not even aware that we needed the approval of others. Acceptance of ourselves as individuals a learning experience from those significant others who were around us. Some people were lucky and had a loving and encouraging environment, while others, sadly, grew up with condemnation and disapproval.

 Because of disapproval that may have been experienced in our childhood years, many of us grew up with the generalization that “Since they did not accept me, I am unacceptable.” Through the repetition of key incidents in our lives we learned to have a negative view of ourselves.  The problem starts when we fail to realize that these were childhood events.  We still see them looking back through the eyes of our inner-child.  We must learn to stand back and put them in a different perspective.

As adults we may now realize that those who hurt us with their disapproval and criticism were acting in the only way that they knew how to act.  Many did not realize the extent of injury that was caused to our inner self.  It is up to us now to rid ourselves of these self-sabotaging thoughts about ourselves and face reality. We have two choices.  We can either accept what was said about us and live with self-recrimination or we can choose to forgive those who said hurtful, unaccepting things to us and rethink the situation.

Face it, we were not all perfect children and we are not perfect as adults either.  All people can never be all good or all bad.  We have to come to the realization that we are human.  We need to accept ourselves the way we are.  That means accepting the bad along with the good. We all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses.  This doesn’t mean that we stop trying to improve ourselves, but we must stop condemning ourselves. 

We also must become aware of the things we want to change about ourselves because WE as individuals want improvement in these areas, not because we feel that others want us to change. Accepting a situation is the first step to achieving power over it.   We cannot live our lives for the acceptance of others.  We need to live our lives honestly and freely.

Take the time to listen to your inner voice and find out who YOU really are.  You are an individual and you don’t need to conform to what the world around you wants you to be. You need to discover who YOU really are and then gather the courage to let the real you be you. You have the power to be your own person.

Let us stop putting on masks to represent the people we think others want to see.  Don’t feel you have to seek their approval.  Take time to learn who you are and then let the real you shine through.  You are a beautiful person just the way you are and are worthy of love.  Learn to love yourself and you will see the world around you change for the better.

 

 

But, I’m married….

                                            But…I’m married…..

I know I was there when we said I do. I caught him staring at me out the corner of my eye. He was beautiful, his skin was smooth, his lips looked full and his smile was brilliant. But…..I’m married. For what seemed like an eternity the scene unfolded like this…

Hi my name is Blake he says, and even though I usually never give my name to strangers my inner voice betrayed me and blurted my name. I said Hi, and we both laugh thinking we’re no longer strangers. His smile is mesmerizing, Lord, help me find the strength. I am married. We watch each other with a purpose; the silence was comfortable and relaxing. He asked me would I like to get some coffee, I smiled and said yes.

We shared many grins, laughs, and stares so after a few hours and a few refills we both felt the urge to go somewhere quiet. But neither one of us made the first move instead our gaze went down to our ring finger…….

Author: Angelina’s Therapy

Hello Again….

Hello again…Remember when I said you had me at Hello? Well, it’s been months and the Hello has faded. Then as if you channeled my thoughts I heard from you again, just a hello but it was your voice. All the things that needed to be said weren’t but there was not an empty moment or any silence to be broken. We decided to listen to each other breathe…At that moment we knew what the other needed without asking, just giving as friends do. 

No promises were made, our friendship revalidated and a healing silence took over again.

If I give you what you want will you give me what I need? This is not about commitment it is two souls speaking to each other. The night will come when my head will lay neatly in the crook of your arm and forgive me if I smile. While I allow you to brush away a tear of joy!

Angelina’s Therapy

Mothers and Daughters

From the time a Mother realizes she is carrying the most precious gift in the world it could all be so overwhelming. Although you are going to be the most constant person in her life the world has to know that the emotions you now feel take on a life of its own.  A birth Mother now has so many responsibilities that it is no wonder they lose themselves. Not every Mother experiences parental love at the same pace or depth as any other Mother. The fairy tale is that you meet a man you marry him you have a baby and you both pour every bit of love you can muster into that being that you both have created. Then there is reality, not everything perfect will always happen.

Open wounds are serious and no one knows how deep the cuts can go. Just when you think the wounds have healed a fresh cut in the same spot starts the bleeding again. Sometimes Mothers can see Daughters as a reflection of themselves losing sight that they are their own person. It is okay to let go and let your Daughters live. How can a Mother and Daughter relationship start over when there are so many unspoken words? For those outsiders looking in you may say leave the past in the past and move forward. No one can put a time limit on when you should put the past in the past; there are those that it is hard for them to move on.

Everyone has their own feelings and deal with matters in their own time. Today, I’m going to empower myself and exhale to clear my head. Every day is a new day. 


Angelina’s Therapy 

By all means…be yourself.

Sometimes, forgiveness means accepting the humanity of the person you’re trying to forgive. Being human means to have choices, which means as humans we can choose to be wonderful and magnificent, or we can choose to be cruel, horrific and “inhuman.” So…your words to this person (spoken in your mind) would be, “I accept you as a human being with the freedom to make choices, just like me. I don’t like your choices, but I won’t hurt myself by continuing to condemn you. I accept your humanness, and I give you my permission to be exactly whom and what you are.”

William DeFoore, PH.D.

Angelina’s Therapy

You had me at Hello….

                           “You had me at Hello”

I often think about the way you look at me, your eyes speak sensually to my soul. Your touch is warm and sends messages of mass destruction through my body. Is what I’m feeling my imagination? Do you feel what I am feeling, can you see through me? My eyes and heart speak volumes that I want you to hear loudly. I know, believe me I know you are confused and rightfully so but we are already friends and will remain no matter what the outcome of our bond.

I believe it is possible to love someone who is not your soul mate; the energy is different but love all the same. When you love one and feel deeply for another it’s a natural feeling. Emotions are like a fire burning inside and can not smother.

This is not a head game, I feel our hearts beating in unison and it is a simple pleasure.

Angelina’s Therapy